By Derrick Sims | Blue Ridge Intimacy Coach | October 2026
Let me ask you something — and I want you to really think about it for a second.
Have you ever laughed during sex?
If your answer is no, that might be part of the problem. Because here’s the truth that nobody says out loud enough: sex is supposed to be fun. Not just pleasurable — fun. Playful. Even a little ridiculous sometimes.
Think about it. The sounds. The faces. The positions that sound elegant in theory and look absolutely nothing like the description once you actually try them. The noises your body makes at the most inconvenient possible moments. If you’re being honest with yourself — sex is kind of hilarious.
“Vibrators are literally called sex toys. How fun is that?”
Yes, procreation matters. Yes, intimacy is sacred. And yes, connection between partners is one of the most meaningful things two people can share. But none of that means sex has to be a performance review. It’s supposed to feel good — and feeling good includes laughing, playing, and occasionally failing spectacularly and laughing about it together.
So Where Did All the Fun Go?
Here’s where it gets interesting. For something that’s supposed to be enjoyable, we spend an enormous amount of energy stressing about it.
We worry about whether we’re doing it right. Whether our partner is satisfied. Whether we’re being too much or not enough. We scroll through content that makes us feel like everyone else has a thriving, adventurous sex life while ours has quietly become another item on the to-do list — or disappeared from the list altogether.
And when we try to fix it — when we want to introduce something new, bring back the spark, or just reconnect — the pressure we put on that moment can completely kill the very thing we were trying to create.
We overthink ourselves right out of the fun.
The Real Problem: We’re Too Much in Our Heads
Whether you’re dealing with mismatched desire, intimacy that has faded over time, performance anxiety, or simply wanting to try something new without it feeling awkward — the common thread in almost every situation is this: we’re thinking too much.
Overthinking is the enemy of pleasure. When your brain is running a commentary on everything happening in real time — critiquing, comparing, worrying — your body cannot fully be in the moment. And presence is everything when it comes to intimacy.
“Get out of your head and back into the moment — that’s where the magic actually lives.”
The good news? Getting out of your head is a skill. Not a personality trait you either have or don’t. A skill — which means it can be learned, practiced, and improved.
That’s Exactly Where Coaching Comes In
Sex and relationship coaching isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about giving you the tools to get back to what sex is supposed to feel like — easy, connected, and yes, fun.
A coach doesn’t diagnose you. They don’t analyze your childhood or hand you a workbook about communication styles (well, not only that). What a good coach does is meet you exactly where you are, help you understand what’s getting in your way, and give you practical, real-world tools you can actually use.
Tools that help you stay present. Tools that make hard conversations easier. Tools that rebuild playfulness and curiosity in a relationship that may have gotten a little too routine.
Because when you remove the pressure, the overthinking, and the performance anxiety — what you’re left with is two people who actually like each other, rediscovering why intimacy felt so good in the first place.
Ready to Bring the Fun Back?
If any of this sounds familiar — if intimacy has started to feel more like a source of stress than a source of joy — that’s not a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship. It’s a sign that you could use some support getting back to the good stuff.
I offer private, virtual coaching sessions for individuals and couples in a completely judgment-free, shame-free environment. We can talk about whatever is actually going on — no topic is off the table, and nothing you share will shock me.
Your first consultation is always free. It’s a relaxed, 30-minute conversation — no commitment, no pressure — just a chance to see if coaching is the right fit for where you are right now.
Schedule your free consultation at: www.blueridgeintimacycoach.com
Consultations available Monday – Friday, 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM
About the Author
Derrick Sims is a Certified Sex & Relationship Coach trained through the Sexual Health Alliance. He works with individuals and couples virtually, helping them reconnect, communicate openly, and build the kind of intimacy that actually lasts. He has been married for over 22 years and brings lived experience alongside professional training to every coaching relationship.
Blue Ridge Intimacy Coach | www.blueridgeintimacycoach.com